Gym

Dear Mary...

I've been a little crazy when it comes to Gym... I swear I don't know how that man stands it lol. Friday night I was a little crazy with him via text and I felt so bad about it all day yesterday that I sent him a very long very honest email and his response via text was a smack in the face. I won't quote all the text just the one line that smacked me. He said "I feel like a minute wasted is a minute lost". It really did smack me upside the head..

6-8 months ago I went out with a guy named Carl.. he is a very nice man. I left that date feeling so good and happy.. we really clicked. Gym reminds me so much of Carl. They both are so caring and nice, willing to go out of their way to help someone. Complete gentleman, everything I was looking for in a man.. except for one thing.. they are both super busy. Not much time for spending with me and their time was all I wanted. Needless to say I blew it with Carl.. freaked out on him like I'm trying to freak out on Gym.. the only difference is that Carl was looking for a relationship.. Gym is not. I didn't want to try to build a friendship with Carl.. I already have a great friendship with Gym..

So last night I was thinking about Gym and about this repeated pattern and how I wanted his friendship more than anything else and didn't want to push him away like I did Carl so I sent him the long email. And his response was a light bulb moment. I truly believe that all things happen for a reason and I know that Carl came into my life to teach me something but I had no idea what all the lessons were.. I figured out some of them but I kept wondering why he and Gym were so much alike.. why had the universe brought me 2 men so much alike.. well Gyms comment on time lost made the connection for me because Carl said almost the same thing and.. So has my brother Tony.. So I know that these 3 people are trying to teach me that I'm wasting time..

I have said so many times that I feel like I'm running out of time.. and I truly waste a lot of time. Time sitting here in front of this computer.. Time I could be spending with people I love or doing things I love and in being more conscience of what I could be doing with my time would also make me appreciate the time I spend doing nothing.. because I believe we all need the times where we relax and do nothing.. right now that times means nothing to me. It's just another reason to beat myself up. And maybe.. just maybe.. I am suppose to teach Gym how to relax a little..

So Mary, the answer to the question about finding out if I will love spending time with family and friends.. I need to learn to let myself enjoy that time. Not worry about will I be accepted, not watch what I say for fear I will be judged, it just dawned on me that my time in Kentucky was wasted.. because it could have been so much more than I was willing to let it be.. which is a lesson not to waste anymore time with you.. we don't get much time together.. I need to make every second count ... in doing so that honors you.. and me. I love you...