Who you really are is enough.

The journey to know ourselves ideally brings us to self-understanding and acceptance. It is NOT a quest for self-improvement. When we open to love and accept ourselves, no matter what, we allow our innate love, power and wisdom to emerge naturally.

"Who you really are is enough."
-- Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Dear Mary, 

The above, sent to me in an email, was a light bulb moment. I hope one that sticks with me. I have lots of light bulb moments.. but then I forget them. I seek and search looking for a quote or an experience or a friend or a relationship or an article that will have an instant impact on me. Change me in some way. 

Who you really are is enough... 

I still don't know who I really am. Or maybe I won't let myself be who I really am. I'm not sure why that scares me but I have a feeling it does. It's so easy to sit here in my funk and think about how bad my life is.. which is really not that bad.. it's so comfortable.. it's what I know.. it's easy.. The hard part is doing the work, which would really make things easy. I keep thinking that if people only knew the real me they wouldn't like me. But when people tell me now that they like me I don't believe them. And really.. what does it matter. Why do we need to be liked and accepted by people and where the hell did this come from. I didn't use to give a shit what people thought about me. 

The very fact that I WANT APPROVAL from others means that I believe I LACK APPROVAL. And this means that I DON'T APPROVE OF MYSELF.

What I think about myself is all that matters. I had this discussion with someone yesterday. Be it right or wrong.. what I think is all that matters.. 

It's a New Year

Dear Mary,

The 1st day of 2013. A day when everybody I know starts their New Year's resolutions... except me. I don't make resolutions because at the end of the year when you look back and realize that you didn't stick with it you feel like you have failed.. But not me!!! I prefer to start over every Monday and beat my ass at least once a week.. lol. But here's the funny thing about starting over. You can do it everyday.. every hour if need be.. there are so many opportunities for a fresh start, but that does not mean that I should keep doing the things that make me feel bad. It just means that when I do I can let them go and start over.

So.. here's to starting over. I've been wanting to do this for awhile because I feel very out of control about many things (baby steps). So I've come up with a list (I'm a list queen.. if you look around I have list everywhere.. lol) of things to do everyday.. if I get them all done then awesome and if I don't well.. there's always tomorrow.

Way's to take care of and honor myself daily...
1. Brush your teeth
2. Have lemon in your water
3. Have a few tablespoons of ACV in water
4. Take my vitamins and have one brazil nut
5. Have a tablespoon of coconut oil
6. Shower - it makes you feel better about yourself
7. Go to bed by 9 pm on the weekends too. You know when you don't get enough sleep it makes you sad and cranky!!
8. Have a glass of Kombucha
9. Set on goal for the next day
10. Lay out your clothes for the next work day.. this way you are not rushing around in the morning and say the hell with it and throw on a t-shirt. Dressing for work make you feel better about yourself.
11. Blog about it!
12. Take off your makeup each night before bed.

This reminded me of a David Letterman top 10 list.. except I have 12 things.

Also Sunday's will be pamper day. Normally I wait until Sunday to do my laundry to get ready for the next week. I need to use Sunday as my relaxation day to get ready for the week.. lol. Hence.. Sunday is now pamper Leanna day.

1. Take a long hot bath. Add some lavender oil to the water and read or listen to music.. light a candle.
2. Do a clay mask facial and pluck your eyebrows.. maybe paint your toenails.
3. Curl up in a soft warm blankie and have movie night.

I'm sure as time passes I will add to these list. Hopefully lots more to the pamper list and maybe add a few more little pamper things to other days of the week.

For today, because I didn't get much done in the way of chores while I was off from work, I did some laundry and cleaned up the kitchen. So far today I have eaten healthy. I had a steak for lunch and a bowl of chicken and wild rice soup for dinner and 2 cups of coffee for breakfast. I don't know why I listed breakfast last it just came out my head that way. lol. Also I weighed yesterday and I was at 244.  That's only up a pound which is damn good beings as I was not really watching my eating very well during the week.

Tomorrows goals are to wash the sheets on my bed and vacuum the bedroom floor. If I get any extra done then yay for me.. if not then it's ok cause I wasn't expecting too..

I wonder where 2013 will lead me. I will have this blog post and the few before it and many after it to gauge where I have been and how far I've come. I joined Quit for Life yesterday Mary.. It's a program offered by the state of Virginia to state employees. A quit coach should be calling me this week. Makes me very nervous  And a note here to remind me at the end of the year when I read this.. Wherever you are is exactly where you need to be...